Post by Pam on Aug 19, 2009 21:53:27 GMT -5
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You Know You're gettin' Old When...
You Know You're gettin' Old When...
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
- You don't care where your husband goes, just so you don't have to go along.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You pass gas and think nothing of it.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- The little gray-haired man you help across the street is your husband.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
- You take a metal detector to the beach.
- The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
- You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
- You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
- You don't remember being absentminded.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
- Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
- You tip more and carry less.
- You read more and remember less.
- You get propositioned by AARP.
- Younger men start opening doors for you.
- The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
- You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
- You are no longer 'promising'.
- Younger women ask you for advice.
- Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
- You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
- Your medical expenses go up 50%.
- A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
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